A couple of weeks ago we went to the shoe shop. We bought something that I am half ready to accept and half not. Something that always seemed like it was really far off into the future.
We bought school shoes.
Gorgeous, little black school shoes with discreet shiny diamonds near the front and a little velcro strap. Shoes that made our daughter very happy and very excited. And now I can’t really deny the fact that she is growing up.
I still have the very first pair of shoes we ever bought her. They were small and pink and a very real representation of the fact that things were progressing from ‘the baby stage’. Now they seem tiny in comparison to her new size 8’s, another clue of her steady but very obvious development into a child.
As it stands at the moment we have roughly two weeks left of Miss C being exclusively ‘ours’, before she goes off into the big wide world and begins to meet new people.
I am scared and worried (more so for me than for her) but I am also really excited for her.
In many ways, she is definitely ready. In other ways (ways that are mostly in my head) she is not. But there are always going to be things that scare me, and I know **sob sob** that I can’t keep her just with me forever.
She is becoming more independent, more responsible, more caring and more inquisitive by the day. We are very proud of the little girl that is growing before our eyes.
We see her trying to play games with her younger sister which are more advanced than little Miss A is capable of, in those instances we’re reminded that she is definitely ready to play with children her own age.
Everywhere we go she ends up talking to other children. She is very sociable and friendly, never afraid to leave our sides at playgroup or at family parties to go and play. In that way I think she’ll be fine.
But I guess it’s just the thought of her dealing with things that three and four-year-olds go through without me being there that scares me. Things like falling over and hurting herself, having little fall-outs and arguments with her peers or not knowing how to fasten up her coat. (I know I am worrying unnecessarily, I am a part-time member of staff at her new school myself. I know the staff, I know how great they are, I know that the children are well looked after. I think – well, I know – it’s the ‘mummy’ in me that has concerns)
For the first time though, from the perspective of a nursery nurse, she is not just another new child, she is not one of the new nursery intake, she is not a name to be learned or a new girl to be welcomed, she is my baby. My 7lb 4oz little bundle who made my heart explode the day I met her.
Yes she is growing up. Yes she has her bad days and occasional tantrums and there are times when I wish she wasn’t quite so strong willed, however, she is and always will be my first-born. My beautiful little daughter. Though not so little anymore.
The other thing I can’t get out of my head is how much I’m going to miss her.
For three years we’ve watched her grow, watched her develop and change from a newborn baby into a tall, beautiful little girl. In some ways it’s gone fast but we really can’t imagine life without her.
From that very first day in our home, standing in the living room and looking at a sleeping baby on the sofa, wondering what we were going to do with her, from that first night when I couldn’t sleep because I kept checking to see if she was still breathing to now, listening to our daughter sing every single day, watching her dance around and run and spin, we have never been more tired, more overwhelmed, more proud or more happy than we have these last three years.
I will miss our lazy mornings and not getting dressed until 10am. I’ll miss walking over to the cake shop whenever we fancy and sitting watching the world go by. I’ll miss trips to the library and playgroup. I’ll miss rainy days in with a film or busy afternoons running around in our back garden.
Really, I’ll just miss her!
Her character, her cheekiness, her helpfulness, her stories, her songs, her silly games and even her grumpy moods. Our time has been our own, our days have been unplanned and I have been so blessed to be able to watch her learn and grow each day.
Now is the time to share her with the world and to let others impact her life as they also help her to learn and grow.
I know my gorgeous little Miss A is still here for another couple of years, but I think she’s going to miss her as well. It’s going to take some getting used to I think.
Times are changing. Our babies are growing up, and a little piece of my heart is going to nursery in two weeks. I just hope I can hold it together until I have left the building.
We are extremely proud of you, Miss C. Your kindness, your creativity and your big heart.
We are looking forward to hearing all about the new things in your life. We know you’re going to love it!
Wear your new school shoes and embrace your new adventure. I have a feeling they’re going to walk miles.